i am free

so weird reading my old facebook about me

♥
Bali
Surfing
Fashion
Summer
Photos
Travel
Boys in vans
RnB
Love
7
Manly
Boys
Snuggles
MONA
Rugby League
Nudie Jeans
J.Bieber
Tattoos
America
Reality t.v
Life
Sahara Amira Williams is my soul sister


♥

♥ I belong in Bali. I want to wake up there everyday. I want to spend countless hours frolicking in the sun with old friends and making new ones. I want to watch hot surfers ride the Bali waves and at night dance the stage with them. I want to ride a scooter around Bali with the only language understood between me and the locals is a smile. I want to sit with friends on the hot sand and have the cool waves wash over our sun kissed skin.

I want to spend the days laughing, crying & smiling so much my face hurts and for my only care in the world to be what I’m wearing out that night to the Bounty, Paddys, Sky Garden. And I want my night to always begin by consuming countless double doubles at alley cats. 

I need to escape my routine reality. I am making my dreams come true. Bring on America 2011. Bring on making my dreams come true. I am over this place, I am over the people and the pathetic drama’s they create. I refuse to continue to be subjected to gossip and fake friendship because people have nothing better to do. I have the cruse of the birthday present- apparent friends get amazing birthday presents from L & S and then BOOM no more. There are too many places to go, people to met, love to be had and memories to make to stay here a second longer.

I want to be an RnB superstar. I want to marry a nudie wearing surfing tradie who loves me more then Noah loves Allie in the Notebook. I want to get ‘mybeautifulfriend’ tattooed on my foot for Sahara Amira Williams. I want to have a joint beach wedding in Bali with my soul sister. I want to wake up to cute text messages every morning. I want to travel the world following the surf competitions and summer. I want your respect and honesty because I deserve it. I want to take more photos. I want to wake up in the morning and look over Manly beach or Legian Beach then, wake up the next day and be in a private cabana in Hawaii and by that afternoon be off to my penthouse in New York City. I want to never stop pouting in photos. I want Sahara to know I love her beyond words. I want to eat cookie dough for breakfast and have teppanyaki every night for dinner. I want to notebook every boy I meet. I want curly hair and straight hair. I want to leave and impression and I will because I’ll always wear lipgloss when I kiss you. I want to own every pair of nudies and every Sass and Bide dress as well as the entire Zimmerman collection to supplement my tigerlily and seafolly beach wear. I want to go on crazy road trips with my best friends. I want Tad to know he is the love of my twenteen life. I want world peace. I want money to grow on tree’s. I want to own every MAC product. I want to shake the CK’s of your panties. I want my Noah to sing to me. I want to cry because I’m allowed to. I want to watch Ten Things I Hate About You and quote the entire thing. I want to always smile while being Forever young, because you are only forever young once. I will always remember that I AM FREE and will Stay True to my ♥ x x x x x x x ♥




The hardest part of dreaming about someone you love is having to wake up.

I’m allergic to broke.
I’m addicted to stunning.
I’m infatuated with the bad boys.
& I’m in love with money. ♥

have you ever stopped. looked at yourself. stopped and heard your thoughts? thought about what you have been doing? have you ever had to ask yourself that question? who am i? when did this happen? how did this happen? i am literally just somebody that i use to know. i have changed my beliefs, my ideals, my voice, my walk and my habits.

i am somebody i never wanted to be. but i like part of the new me, part of who i have become. and i am addicted to the person who has changed me. i am in love with someone that everyone knows is the reason i have changed. he is the reason i am now somebody i use to know….

is love worth it? is it possible i go back to the girl i was? does the fact i have now done the unthinkable matter? can i change back to the girl i wanted to be my whole life? or can i met somewhere half way?

when and why is it the thing to do? judge… we all do it, some more then others, some with cause and some without… i feel i have been victim to judgement for the last five months…Im in love. I have been from the day i met him. yes i pretended i was not interested, played the game but i’m in love and now more then ever… i am not perfect, and he also isn’t but who in this world is? who has the right to expect anyone to be perfect?
my boyfriend makes mistakes, he lies, he is sneaky, but he is sweet, funny, smart, cute, sexy, loving and he makes me feel like i am the only girl in the world… I am not the best girlfriend, i lie, i make mistakes, but i try so hard to make him happy and for his love for me to grow daily….
But everyone around us is against us, yes he has a bitch- he uses her and no i dont believe they fuck, i cant keep thinking they do cause it will kill me. he gets stuff from her and that is that but no one understands that i know what it is, he is a pimp i guess, but its our decision. it was my choice to be with him and accept him… 

Im over putting myself last, im over being the second option, the last thing on anyones mind… life is fucked is what im trying to say. i trust few, hate alot and need to smile more

never read anything more true!!!

I WISH I COULD TURN OFF MY BRAIN… I WISH I COULD STOP THINKING. STOP WONDERING WHAT IS GOING ON AROUND ME… STOP WONDERING IF MY BOYFRIEND LOVES ME. STOP WONDERING WHERE IM GOING TO BE IN 5 YEARS. STOP WONDERING IF I AM OK…. FML

As I sit here after a disaster of a day fighting with my boyfriend I cant help but wonder; Is love enough? Can two people be in a relationship and survive purely on love? Love does not pay the bills as my boyfriend reminded me the other day but being a hopeless romantic I cant help but wonder. 

Im in a relationship with a boy who I know is everything I should not want, everything I have been told to avoid and is full of danger signs but he is the only male who has ever made me feel so alive, so happy and so complete. He is younger, he is trouble and he is the love of my life. But lately I have been feeling some kind of distance between me and him. I have been feeling like Im not giving him enough, that he has to go to other sources to find happiness, to find something to make him feel complete. What is a girl to do when all she does is give her boyfriend everything physically possible? Emotionally, mentally and physically I have given him everything. I want to spend my life with him and we have those conversations but when you find proof that he is going to other girls not for sex but for company, money and god only knows I know I cannot blame myself, I blame him for being a boy, for having too much pride to ask for money, to ask for help but I also turn the blame to me. Am I too emotional, am I too needy? Do I not give him enough attention? Do I not give him enough time alone or time with me? Do I not buy him things he needs or surprise him? Do I not give him the sex he wants? What is it that is making my boyfriend who swears on all he has and to all his friends that he loves me, turn to others? What is making him destroy my heart time after time?

I sit asking myself these questions over and over. I cry because Im not strong enough to deal with the pain Im in. I physically hurt my boyfriend because I want him to feel half the pain I feel- but Im not even slightly strong enough to hurt him in such a way; nor do I ever want him to feel this pain.

We love each other. We are attracted to each other. We connect but now we are disconnecting.  What do you do when love isn’t enough? What do you do when you refuse to give up on the love you have but you do not know what is going to take it back to the days when you first fell in love?

Edward.D.Williams II; I adore you. I love you. Im in love with you. You are my soul mate. But I cannot do this alone. We need to bring us back together.

Love xoxox

— Ernest Hemingway (via modernmethadone)