As I sit here after a disaster of a day fighting with my boyfriend I cant help but wonder; Is love enough? Can two people be in a relationship and survive purely on love? Love does not pay the bills as my boyfriend reminded me the other day but being a hopeless romantic I cant help but wonder.
Im in a relationship with a boy who I know is everything I should not want, everything I have been told to avoid and is full of danger signs but he is the only male who has ever made me feel so alive, so happy and so complete. He is younger, he is trouble and he is the love of my life. But lately I have been feeling some kind of distance between me and him. I have been feeling like Im not giving him enough, that he has to go to other sources to find happiness, to find something to make him feel complete. What is a girl to do when all she does is give her boyfriend everything physically possible? Emotionally, mentally and physically I have given him everything. I want to spend my life with him and we have those conversations but when you find proof that he is going to other girls not for sex but for company, money and god only knows I know I cannot blame myself, I blame him for being a boy, for having too much pride to ask for money, to ask for help but I also turn the blame to me. Am I too emotional, am I too needy? Do I not give him enough attention? Do I not give him enough time alone or time with me? Do I not buy him things he needs or surprise him? Do I not give him the sex he wants? What is it that is making my boyfriend who swears on all he has and to all his friends that he loves me, turn to others? What is making him destroy my heart time after time?
I sit asking myself these questions over and over. I cry because Im not strong enough to deal with the pain Im in. I physically hurt my boyfriend because I want him to feel half the pain I feel- but Im not even slightly strong enough to hurt him in such a way; nor do I ever want him to feel this pain.
We love each other. We are attracted to each other. We connect but now we are disconnecting. What do you do when love isn’t enough? What do you do when you refuse to give up on the love you have but you do not know what is going to take it back to the days when you first fell in love?
Edward.D.Williams II; I adore you. I love you. Im in love with you. You are my soul mate. But I cannot do this alone. We need to bring us back together.
Love xoxox
